If It Doesn't Matter
by Napshoe
Summary: Two detectives working after hours have a short chat about life.


"Kunikida-kuuuun."

"What is it now?"

A slightly annoyed tone betrayed the thinning patience of the man being addressed. The other, a tall man with messy brown hair and bandages wrapping around most of his visible skin, was spinning in his chair, confidently ignoring his work. This man, Dazai, continued with his signature smile.

"They're early this year too."

"...what are?"

"The cherry blossoms, Kunikida-kun! What else?"

He announced, glancing out the window. Indeed, the just-blooming flowers were already being pulled from the trees by the gusts of winter that hadn't fully left them yet.

"...I suppose."

"I see, I see! Then what do you think about suicide?"

"..."

"..."

"...huh?"

Kunikida was dumbfounded, turning his head, his glasses falling askew.

"I saaaaid, what do you think about suicide?"

"I heard you the first time! Where's that coming from?!" He snapped, slamming his hand on his desk to emphasize his confusion.

Everyone else had gone home for the day, and quite frankly, it was rare for Kunikida to be off-schedule enough to have to stay late and rarer still for Dazai to stay even a minute longer than he had to. The latter had yet to do any actual work to show for all the time he'd spent thus far annoying the serious-looking man and messing with his chair. The swiveling slowed to a stop, and the smiling man sitting backwards on his chair rested his chin on his hand, propped up by his elbow.

"Kunikida-kun," he began, closing his eyes. "I might succeed one of these days, you know? What would you think if that happened?"

Kunikida glanced over before sighing, turning his chair to fully face his partner.

"Are you being serious?"

"Mhm~"

"...Dazai."

"..."

It was difficult for Kunikida to discern whether or not the man would use his serious demeanor against him at times. Dazai would frequently do so, after all. Therefore, he had to be sure.

"...I would be confused, I suppose."

"Oh? Why is that?"

"You kept your past a secret until only recently. I can only assume your time in the Port Mafia was...less than pleasant, but otherwise, I don't know much about you at all. You laugh off the strangest things and attempt something as extreme as suicide so often, even I've become desensitized to it."

"I see, I see!"

"At least try to be serious!"

Dazai spun around once in his chair.

"Kunikida-kun...if I really wanted to die, I would be dead."

The stern man adjusted his glasses, the setting sun's light reflecting off of them, masking his expression somewhat. It was strange to hear Dazai to speak about himself, and stranger still for it to be in such a way that it seemed as though he wanted Kunikida to delve deeper.

"Then do you want to die?"

"Dunno."

"Huh?"

It was quite a quick response for such an unsure answer. He was confident in giving it, however.

"I don't know. Living, dying...they both end in death. After you die, it's all gone. Everything. Now is the only time you'll ever be alive, and after that...well. You'll never be alive again. Never think...never breathe...see the scenery you barely look at every day."

"...in that case, it's better to live to the end of your life. If now is the only time you'll be alive-"

"'You might as well enjoy it'...right?"

Kunikida furrowed his brow. The words were taken right out of his mouth. He held his tongue, waiting for the other to continue.

"I used to think that, too. Even so...if everything ends with death, and you 'might as well live', does that really make a case for living over dying? It's still all meaningless, isn't it…?"

A silence filled in the space that came after his words. For once, Kunikida couldn't find the words. He didn't know what to say. Quite frankly, he'd never thought about it that deeply. Those were the thoughts reserved for men who had lost all hope, and one such man was his partner; a person who had been beside him every day for years now. Even so, he hadn't ever stopped to think about that ever-visible darkness in his eyes, nor the skin beneath those bandages. No, Dazai had played it off, so he took the easy road and ignored it all. If the bandage-wasting detective hadn't made such a spectacle of it, perhaps he would have had no choice but to look.

Who was the idiot? Who didn't see what was hiding in plain sight?

"...Dazai-"

"No, no. Don't strain yourself, Kunikida-kun~ If there was an answer, I'm certain I'd have reached it by now. There really isn't any difference between whether I die in sixty seconds or sixty years from now. In fact-"

"There is a difference!"

Kunikida interrupted, once again slamming his fist on the table, shaking the cold coffee that remained in the mug next to him. Dazai's eyes widened slightly, but settled back into that knowing, distant smile hardly a moment later.

"Oh?"

"I don't want you to die now! That's the difference, you bastard!"

"Oho?"

"Don't you "oho" me! And don't you **dare** make light of what it means to be alive!"

Standing up, he marched over and in a quick movement, smacked his partner across the face before lifting him from his chair by the collar with both hands, glaring with as much fury as he could muster. The bandaged man was stunned, unable to do much besides stare and the other, who's grip only tightened, shaking him once.

"...Kuniki-"

"Shut up! Listen to me!" He shook him again. "You're right...after we die, there's nothing. You'll never live again. Any pain you had will disappear, and any hardships you've suffered through to overcome won't mean a thing. If you're thinking of yourself, then you're entirely correct. It doesn't mean a damn thing. You may as well die right now."

After a moment longer of staring the man down, his expression softened just a bit, his grip relaxing to a less threatening intensity.

"...but Dazai. Our lives aren't meant to be lived only for ourselves. If you live only for others, that's no good either, but…" he trailed off, his eyes lowering as he searched for the words before returning to his partner's. "...it's about what we leave behind. It's about overcoming the hardships to leave something behind. If you're living and breathing on this earth, it's your duty as someone who was raised in it. You've lived this long. Your life isn't yours to throw away anymore."

He dropped him back in his chair, stepping back a few times before basically collapsing in his, sighing as he removed his glasses, pinching his brow. Dazai, on the other hand, was entirely still, his eyes still on the other. Kunikida really did remind him of someone after all. He couldn't help but smile just a bit solemnly at the memory.

"...they're early this year, aren't they?"

Kunikida looked up at him after a moment, taking in the expression on his face. He knew that expression all too well. Kunikida was no stranger to loss.

"...they are. But you know something, Dazai…? I'm glad they were here."


End file.
